Dead Heroes of the Apocalypse

E.A.R.L. Audio Log 2012.02-11

subject name: One; recording:

“Now this is going to be a great story for you, magic voice trapping device! We found this huge party in a small complex of buildings. Turns out, they are traders too, and want to set up their own trading posts all over the wasteland. Such a dream can never happen of course, but good on them for thinking big.

Anyway, we traded two of the cars those mean people who attacked us the other night weren’t really using anymore for some additional ammo for the truck and some more armor for the windows and gunner seat.

Our talks broke down for a while though when they said the Pit was opening and everyone got excited. I couldn’t help it, I had to know what it was! Turns out, they have an arena behind the big building and offered me the chance to become a real life gladiator! Of course I said yes, I have never been a gladiator before.

Mistake. I know now not to be a gladiator anymore. I mean, I won. They made me fight a gihumongous cockroach that kept trying to rape my chest. It would have been nice if Mr Green had helped me there, since I saved him from being raped and all, but he didn’t, so I had to kill it myself.

Only when I had finally beat it down, they stopped me from killing it. It makes me sad a little that I didn’t get to pry off some of its shell to make new armor with, but they did reward me with this swell new ancients weapon!

They called it a Warp Field Sword, or something like that… I dunno, but it’s magic! Real magic! I thought birds were the only magic around, but this sword passes through metal and stone and lots of other neat things… it only hurts living things, so I am thinking this is gonna be pretty much nifty.

On a side note, the black man is still sick. He took some medicine and went to bed, but I think he’s even worse off now. Maybe I should give him some juju? Except, the one time I tried to offer it, he ignored me, muttering something about cats and curiosity and how he’s looking forward to it. I didn’t know he liked cats.

E.A.R.L. End log."



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